No Boyfriend

So, since my last post, that guy and I have broken up.  I had forgotten that the name of my previous post was "Boyfriend..." so when I saw it 30 seconds ago I thought it was kind of funny.  We broke up about two weeks ago.  As we all know, it had been coming for a while.  It was actually to the point where being his girlfriend was actually a serious burden for me.  However, we broke up on the basis that he didn't like me anymore.  This might sound a little pitiful (for me) but I believe the breakup was actually easier this way.  For one thing, I didn't have the heart to stand there and list off all the reasons I didn't want to be with him anymore.  At the time I still cherished him as a person and didn't want to hurt him, which is one of the biggest reasons it took me so long to get to the breakup to begin with.  On the day it happened, I woke up feeling like it had to happen.  Picture the scene:  He came over, just to hang out with me.  At first we went to the kitchen and he ate, and I was obviously exhausted. This I wasn't faking, I really was exhausted; but also horribly nervous, because I didn't know if we were going to break up that day or not (I didn't have a set plan). The combination made me quiet, and he kept asking if I was okay.  I said I was just tired and not feeling good; stomach problems.  Something else that was also true at the time; looking back on it, I think the reason my stomach hurt was stress.  Any who, we proceeded to the living room, where we cuddled and watched tv.  I was clearly tense, and every few minutes he'd ask if I was okay.  An episode of friends came on.  Guess which one it was?  The one where Chandler and Phoebe decide to break up with their respective girlfriends/ boyfriends, together. It was torture watching through the entire thing.  He had to leave afterwards to go over to his grandfather's house and fix his printer. Before we left the living room, I told him I noticed that he didn't love me anymore and I didn't know why.  He kept saying, "I have my reasons".  This hurt a lot.  He was digging for a way to tell me why he didn't love me anymore.  On what planet would I want to know that?  And we hadn't broken up yet.  Why would he say that? Anyway, I walked him outside, and then we broke up.  He kept trying to change the subject away from what I was trying to talk about. Finally it came down to this:
Me: You don't like me anymore.
Him: Shakes head.
Him: I like you as a person-
Me: Just not to date me.
At this point I actually started crying, and I didn't mean to.  He apologized a few times and we hugged, at which point I said, "Just still be my friend.  Okay?" And he said, "Best friends".  And that felt pretty good at the time, because it felt right.  Now it's been about two weeks, and we aren't acting like friends. I've hardly talked to him; the last time was a week ago today, and he actually was kind of cross with me. What he needs more than anything is Jesus.  God will teach him how to be a real man, and then someday he can actually make a girl happy.  Until that happens (his salvation), I don't think he's ever going to be happy.  I do want him to be happy. I really hope our relationship improves, just as a friendship.  It's been hard without him in my life.   After all, I'm the one who exited the relationship with hurt feelings.
God has really gotten me through this rough spot the past few weeks. When the breakup happened, He was my backbone, and He has been since.  The Holy Spirit is my best friend.  I am glad that the God who controls crazy Michigan thunderstorms like the one that happened today, also controls my future.  I just need to stop trying to plan things for myself and be still, and know that He is God (reference Psalm 46:10).
For now, the romance is all said and done I suppose.  I admittedly need to put more time into my passions, and that will get my mind off of things.  Baking, painting, friends (real people, and the show,) home renovations, and most importantly, GOD, here I come!

Boyfriend...

Sometimes my boyfriend is just so stressful to be with.  And at all comes down to the same problem, he's selfish.  He isn't willing to wait for things, he hardly ever makes me feel good about myself anymore, and he only seems to be happy nowadays after I give him something he wants.  I don't know what to do about it.  Actually, that's a lie, I do know.  I'm just dreading it.  Underneath all the hardships of our relationship, he's my best friend and it's going to be difficult to lose him.  Once we break up I don't think it would be possible to be friends, or at least not close ones.
I know, reading this over, it would make sense for us to try to talk things out first.  But I've tried so many times, and he continues to revert back to his old ways.  And, like I've explained in a previous post, it's still hurtful that he doesn't say, "I love you", anymore.  I cannot just force someone into doing that, no matter how much we try to "talk it through".  I don't want to be done with him, because it hurt so much the first time.  But I can't do this for much longer.  For myself, I have to put a halt to all the misuse of my feelings.  My heart deserves a break.
Also, God deserves more of my attention.  I don't think my current boyfriend is my soul mate, so why bother?  Besides the reasons stated above and how much it's going to hurt when we split.  I can't keep compromising my beliefs for this guy when he won't compromise his own for me.  And really, I haven't actually been compromising.  Just arguing and apologizing and making up, then repeat.  I just can't do it anymore.  I have to believe that God has someone better for me.  I have to.