Survivors

There are some things about being an artist that aren't necessarily fun and carefree, like artists are sometimes depicted as.  For one, it's not all about wearing stretchy headbands around your forehead and wearing interesting socks.  Being a hipster actually isn't artistry at all, and if you're the someone who associates the two, you're the kind of person that pissed me off today.

So basically, here's what happened.  I have class called "History of the Holocaust"; the course subject is self explanatory.  Today my teacher brought up the controversial topic of the generation of Jewish grandchildren whose grandparents are Holocaust survivors getting their respective camp numbers tattooed on themselves as a symbol of remembrance.  You probably just read that and were like, "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard".  And I don't necessarily blame you; my dad and my boyfriend said the same thing.  Please hear me out.

I was the only person in the room who said they had ever considered getting one.  Three of my four grandparents are Holocaust survivors.  Only one of them was a camp victim who got tattooed, my grandfather on my mother's side (his name is Benjamin Kawer, in case you're interested in researching his story).  I would not get the tattoo because I feel like it would be favoriting only one grandparent, even though that isn't really the case, he's just the only one with numbers.  But anyway, that's pretty much irrelevant.  You probably think I'm stupid for ever even thinking about getting those disgusting, dehumanizing, Nazi-given numbers tattooed on my body for the rest of my life.  The rest of my class did, and made darn sure that I was aware of it.  But let me explain.

The Nazis didn't look at the Jews as people.  They stared at them as an "inferior race", a people that should not reproduce or continue to exist for the sake of preserving "racial hygiene".  The numbers they tattooed took away a person's name, background, and human qualities and turned them into nothing more than a subject, at best.  So why would I want my grandfather's numbers?  Because to me, having them on myself is saying, "Look, these are the numbers you gave to my grandfather.  You see them?  And do you see me?  Do you see how they are on me?  Do you see how I exist despite your efforts to keep me from being born?  Do you see how my grandfather's bloodline lives?  Look at these numbers.  You failed.  You failed and I want these numbers to always remind you of it".  And I want them to remind others of what happened, too.  Already, the Holocaust is being taught as something that sounds like ancient history, and it's not.  It is actually so recent and so relevant beyond what I think any of us can see, and it has already slipped into the background of people's minds.  To me, that tattoo would mean not letting people forget.  And yes, it would make other people, and probably myself, uncomfortable.  And there would probably be days that I would regret it and days that people would openly tell me what I did was disgusting, but I considered it because I don't want anyone to forget what my family went through.  I owe it to the victims to make sure they don't become forgotten.

And to the girl who said in class that whoever gets the tattoo "clearly doesn't care that much, because if you need a tattoo to remind yourself of what happened because you keep on forgetting, it isn't that meaningful to begin with.  You shouldn't need a tattoo to tell people what happened".  Screw you.  I'm sorry that you don't understand what it's like to live everyday remembering the atrocities my loved ones had to endure for the sake of life, theirs and mine, and the burden I carry because of it.  And to the other kids, who said, "People won't understand", "It will look like you're doing it for the Nazis", and, "It might start a bad trend".   You don't understand and you might never.  Maybe I'm a psychopath, but at least I'm one who acts out of love.  I'm genuinely sorry that you can't see any substance that is beyond skin-deep.